Lee DOESN’T get locked out! So what now?
LEE ZION, EDITOR
Harrison County Times-Reporter
DeAnn Kruempel came to my rescue this week.
I was at a loss, trying to figure out what to write about this week. After all, there are only so many times a guy can get locked in or locked out of something!
I spent a few days on this, but I was stuck. I kept begging for inspiration, or maybe for another door somewhere to slam shut. But then our regular columnist, DeAnn Kruempel, introduced herself to me at the library, and suddenly, I had my topic.
She also submitted her column, and that was what gave me my brilliant idea. If you haven’t read it already, stop right now and take a look. Don’t worry I’ll still be here when you get back.
That, by the way, is one advantage print has over the Internet. You won’t have to worry about a link expiring.This column will remain on this page forever.
Ms. Kruempel argues that we, as a society, need to talk more. She lists a few causes of people not talking, but I think she missed at least one important culprit: Self check-out.
Think about it. How many times in the past have you spoken with the cashier and shared your favorite recipe, based on what you have in your shopping cart? Or, how many times have you pointed to your bottle of wine and cheese tray and said, “Nope. I’m staying in tonight to binge that show.”
Self check-out ends all that, because you can’t talk to the machine. I’m sure that you, as you read this, can think up other examples.
What her column really got me thinking about was an incident from my childhood. I was about 8 years old when it happened, maybe 9. My brother, who is about five years older, was sick and tired of me talking all the time. So he came up with the perfect threat.
“You know,” he said, “Whenever a child is born, God in Heaven decrees how many words that person gets to speak over the course of his life. And once that boy uses up all his words, he DIES.”
I don’t remember if he actually said the next part out loud, but the implication was clear.
I was using up God’s gift. Even worse, every time I spoke, I was guaranteeing that my death would come, faster and faster.
This terrified me. Keep in mind that I was only 8 years old! I was certain to die, and such a horrible death was sure to happen, all because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.
This went on for weeks, maybe months. Every time I said anything, I wondered afterward how much I was shortening my own life.
I eventually had my breakthrough. I imagined what would occur if I stopped saying any words — any words at all. Why, if Jai’s words were accurate, and if I stopped speaking for all time, then I could live -- FOREVER!
Then it occurred to me that God had probably thought of this before I did. He’d arrange something, like, after 112 years of absolute silence, I’d bang my head and say, “Ouch.” And then that one word would be fatal. No, you can’t play tricks on God that way.
But it gradually dawned on me that the number of words a person gets to speak in life bears no correlation to how long a person gets to live. Or, if there is such a correlation, it’s not our place to uncover it.
And as for me talking a lot? Why, that just proves that God has given me a lot of words. I’m special!Once I realized this, I was free. I could speak without fear.
So, now that I have entered my second month at the Harrison County Times-Reporter, I repeat my earlier promise. I will I will be at county meetings. I will be at social events. You’ll see me. And if you want to talk, I will gladly speak with you.
On another note entirely, just last week I met a woman who was kind of nice. I like her and, I hope, she likes me.
Will anything come of this? I’ll find out. The next time I see her, I’ll speak with her.
